Fatherlessness
Fatherlessness definition:
Not living in the same home with biological father married to mother (this can be considered a form of trauma)
Operating definition of trauma:
It is not defined by events that happen to you, rather it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you. It affects the mind and the body. It influences someone's perception of reality. It changes their view on themselves, others and the world. It has to be impairing the life of an individual.
Stats:
71% of high school dropouts have no father
85% of behavioral disorder cases lack a father
70% of juveniles in states institutions grew up with no father
12x more likely to attempt suicide
10x more likely to use injection drugs
7x more likely to be an alcoholic
2.2x more likely to have heart disease
2x more likely to have cancer or a stroke
Higher overall risk for depression, anxiety and PTSD
Demographics with highest rates of fatherlessness:
Black 57.6%
Hispanic 31.2%
White 20.7%
Asian 15%
*24.7 million U.S. children live without a father (33% of all children)
Demographics of crime by race (according to the FBI):
*The worst crimes have irreversible damage including loss of life. These cascade through the community with fear and distrust.
Murder and non-negligent manslaughter (adults):
Black 51.3%
White 45.7%
Other races 3%
Robbery (adults):
Black 50.3%
White 47%
Other 2.7%
*these are not race issues, they are cultural issues
Most common effects:
Psychological and emotional effects:
Emotional disconnection - separation from true self to survive
Chronic Misattunement & Emotional Neglect - developmental trauma not based on extreme events but consistent lack of safety and care
Emotional Numbness
Trauma as adaptation - addiction, anxiety and people pleasing as survival response
Dissociation - detachment from one’s emotions and reality
Difficulty forming secure attachments
Anxiety and depression
Changes in beliefs - about self and others
Absence of critical emotional connections for development of healthy ways of operating
Physical & health effects:
Stored in body - trauma imprint on the nervous system
Headaches
GI issues
Increased susceptibility to chronic illness
Chronic stress
Compromised immune system
High risk for heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes, and autoimmune conditions
Higher risk for substance abuse (addiction) - alcohol, smoking, injecting drugs
12x more likely to attempt suicide
Reduced life expectancy by 20 years with 6+ on ACES test
Behavioral & social outcomes:
Academic Struggles
Lower Socioeconomic opportunities
Stunted social development
Job instability
Risky sexual behavior
Teen pregnancy
Incarceration risk
Domestic violence as victim or perpetrator
Violence in general
Unstable and co-dependent romantic relationships
Difficulty in long term relationships
Viewing relationships as transactions
Dopamine addiction - seeking excitement in relationship over connection, this is the person who always has relationship troubles
Fatherlessness in sons:
Higher aggression and violence
Greater incarceration risk
Struggle with male identity formation
susceptibility to gangs or detrimental father figures as replacement
Issues with discipline and lack of trust in authority figures
Less empathy and emotion regulation (especially if absent before age 5)
Fatherlessness in daughters:
Early puberty
Earlier sexual activity
Greater risk of teen pregnancy
Low self-worth and body image struggles
Seeking male validation
Relationship anxiety and trust issues
More likely to enter unstable romantic relationships
I spoke with a man who does case management for Homeland Security in Nashville. After reviewing individuals’ files, he recommends consequences. I asked for his perspective on gun violence, gun control, and meaningful reform. He said the root issue isn’t guns…it’s fatherlessness.
But fatherlessness isn’t just about physical absence. It’s about emotional presence. It’s about helping your children feel safe, seen, and emotionally supported. Kids are deeply shaped by their fathers. They are far more likely to follow in the professional footsteps of their father more than mother. When a father is emotionally unavailable or inconsistent, children often experience emotional neglect or attachment wounds.
Men aren't always the problem, nor do they carry the full responsibility; but, they do have tremendous power to influence change in a positive way.
Fatherlessness isn’t listed as one of the original ten Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), but it strongly overlaps with categories such as emotional or physical neglect, parental separation, mental illness in the household, and domestic violence.
What can help?
Therapy
Mentors
Somatic experiencing (yoga, martial arts, breath-work, etc.)
Christianity
Community
Psycho-education (learning about attachment, masculinity, or what it means to be emotionally healthy)
Volunteering
Exercise (decreases stress)
Eating healthy (supports physical and emotional health, mitigating potential negative effects)
These mitigate the potential negative long term effects that can occur. The most influential factor out of all of these listed is community. Healthy relationships can decrease anxiety, depression, addiction and give people the positive role models that they need to have in their life.
Sexual relationships are meant for long-term, committed partnerships, ideally marriage. The best way to be a good father is to be a good husband. Children learn by example, not instruction. Who you are influences them more than what you tell them. They are watching you. It is more likely for them to forget what you say and remember how you carried yourself. Show them how to live, how to be a man, how to treat a woman, and what love should look like. It’s difficult to separate the issue of fatherlessness from the case for marriage and taking care of your family.
Sexual intimacy should only exist within that long-term commitment. While that doesn't have to be marriage specifically, an unwillingness to marry often signals a lack of true commitment. So, it is virtually impossible to have a context where it would be beneficial outside of that legal structure. Your behavior is more indicative of what you want than the intentions you have. This doesn’t even touch on the harmful effects of short-term relationships, such as unhealthy behavioral patterns: dopamine-driven love addiction, and impaired ability to connect with someone emotionally or have empathy. Which builds the case against casual sexual relationships. It is a whole different monster of an issue having a child out of wedlock.
Long-term commitment supports mental, emotional, and overall well-being. It fosters healthy habits. In contrast, short-term relationships tend to create patterns of treating people as transactions rather than as individuals worthy of love and care. Seeing people as a means to your own end can eventually harm both others and yourself.
Why is commitment so necessary? Because the more difficult it is to break a legal and emotional bond, the more likely you are to stay and work through challenges. When things get hard, when you're angry, defensive, or tempted to run away, the strength of your commitment can make all the difference. Divorce, in those moments, can become a way of escape rather than resolution. In that case, the coward’s way out. But true growth and healing happen when you turn toward one another, not away.
This is not meant to condemn anyone for what they have done or where they come from. This is meant to say, your choices matter.
References:
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):
Overview of ACEs and their impact on health and well-being.
https://www.cdc.gov/aces/about/index.htmlCDC
Fathers and Father-Figures: Their Important Role in Children's Social and Emotional Development – Fatherhood.gov:
Discussion on the significance of father involvement in child development.
https://www.fatherhood.gov/research-and-resources/fathers-and-father-figures-their-important-role-childrens-social-andfatherhood.gov
Gun Violence – American Public Health Association (APHA):
Information on gun violence as a public health issue.
https://www.apha.org/topics-and-issues/gun-violence
Attachment Theory: Bowlby and Ainsworth's Theory Explained – Verywell Mind:
Explanation of attachment theory and its implications.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337Simply Psychology+2psychology.psy.sunysb.edu+2Verywell Mind+2
Marriage and Couples Research – The Gottman Institute:
Research findings on marriage and couple relationships.
https://www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/Gottman Institute
National Marriage Project – University of Virginia:
Research and analysis on the health of marriage in America.
https://nationalmarriageproject.org/nationalmarriageproject.org
The Long-Term Effects of Parental Divorce on the Mental Health of Young Adults – JSTOR:
Study on the impact of parental divorce on young adults' mental health.
https://www.jstor.org/stable/1131900JSTOR
Love’s Chemistry: How Dopamine Shapes Bonds and Breakups – Neuroscience News:
Research on dopamine's role in social interactions and pair bonding.
https://neurosciencenews.com/dopamine-love-relationships-25450/Neuroscience News
HeyJackass.com:
Statistical data on crime in Chicago.
https://heyjackass.com/